Cindy A. Shares Her Story On How God Save Her Life
My story is a love story and my story is a story of joy and a story of God’s grace. I believe uh in these rooms. Um, God saved my life and brought me such joy and such blessings that I couldn’t even imagine to ask for and each day is just another blessing on blessing and I stand here before you and I look out back and there’s for Lake and um, even in Winter or such beauty in winter with the trees.
Without their leaves and the cold and the wind and it’s just it’s gorgeous. Gorgeous and reminds me again. How good God is um surrounded myself with a few things I have on I love frogs. My daughter knows I love frogs I get frogs for everything frogs for fully rely on God. So I’m wearing my fraud necklace.
I have my little origami frog from my daughter which does jump and um last night we went out for dinner and she had the Barney a little Joy. So she’s right in there and um this morning I was you know, um talking to my husband and I you know nervous obviously and he said to me, um, honey, it just turned to me and you know, he I can’t tell you enough how wonderful my husband is but he just turned me as I don’t know anybody who works better program than you and to have that come from.
My husband is just. You know the most wonderful thing, you know because he gets me every day day in day out, you know the good and the bad, you know, I stand before you hopefully spreading a good message, but he gets to see my mask. Um anyway, so I’ll start at the beginning. Um, I came in and the only reason I’m going to tell you to say is because it’s important later on.
Um, I remember the day I went to my very first panel. It was June 13 1988. I was turning at the time. That’s why I remember it, you know, it was written down and um, so keep that in mind. I um, it’s just the beginning of a long journey of of great joy wonderfulness, and it wasn’t always that way I was born into um, A large a large family.
There were five by the fourth of five children a very religious home very religious. Um, but not a very spiritual home and um, we worried a lot after family we were alive and um, you know, I learned that at my mother’s knee and and you know, it says, In the big book, alcoholism Alcoholic by the symptom and this is very much a family disease and I think that was covered yesterday in the panel.
The only difference is the allergy and there are not two sides of this disease is wonderful and they’re not too shy of the program of the principles. There’s I don’t know and our principles are exactly the same the only difference in the programs, which I do not have the physical into the drink and um, but I can be.
Just as crazy stone-cold sober if you will as any drunk when they’re in a blackout. So um, so I started you know, my family is I will say that my family is wonderful. I um, my my brothers my sisters my parents, uh, it was a loving home. Although I didn’t feel at the time that I was loved. I felt when I was I was the fourth of five that there wasn’t enough.
I felt that by the time they got down to the fourth one just wasn’t enough to go around and you know, it never occurred to me what I learned later that the more love you give the more love you are able to give and not that love doesn’t divide as you give it to people. It doesn’t you know mean there’s less and less things.
There’s more more which is kind of a conundrum, but that’s the way God works as he creates more and more people. And we’re all perfectly unique. So be no one like me before me and there’s no one like me after me. I have the Fingerprints of God on me because my fingerprints are unique and so God created me to be special and that’s all that matters, but I didn’t know that at the time and I just grew up with this whole and um, uh, I heard it.
I think it had a song, but I’ve got shaped hole. That god-shaped hole in my shoulder. And um, you know, when I was as I started growing up and feeling less than and always comparing myself and I wasn’t, you know, pretty enough for Anna for smart enough for her whatever enough it was never enough. I was never enough and um it.
You know, I just search for something to make me enough and as I slowly, you know, as I got into middle school and high school. I discovered what my drug of choice was and that was man or voice and and always it was about they made me feel enough and um because if I could be something in their eyes that I could be, okay, and so, you know, I would um, I started early.
I remember eighth grade dance and uh Chucky asked me to dance on I remember that going home. Hi, I mean high as a kite just like and that was my first, you know, hi. Uh of the drug of my choice just because this has to dance with him. That was great and um through high school. I and college I continue.
Um What I Call My Name log, you know drunk, you know, I was I was serially monogamous but nonetheless she really went on with always the next man because I didn’t feel good. I couldn’t be by myself and I. Um had already started acting out against girlfriends because they were competition the man was more important than the friend and I certainly didn’t have integrity.
I wasn’t a good friend and I wasn’t honest and I wasn’t truthful because I was always willing to dump you women at the drop of a hat to be with the guy and um into the tray you to get the guy and so um because that would make me feel better. The guy made me feel better.