How to Use Emotion to Express Your Feelings

Our bodies physically react to whatever we feel. My body’s primary response to emotion is to cry. If I am overcome with joy…I cry. If I am afraid, I cry. When upset, I feel it in my chest first and then my throat tightens. A knot develops between my breasts and although sitting still, my body has the unpleasant sensation of being dropped. I try to take deep breaths to loosen the tightness I feel, but I cannot focus on breathing while simultaneously blinking away the dry fire behind my eyes. So, I cry. Sometimes I can breathe it out, call a friend and redirect my anxiety-driven tears. But most times I don’t fight it, I cry it out. Sob it out even. I give myself a few moments to feel every emotion that is overwhelming me, and then I breathe. I have found that crying works for me.

When expressing feelings effectively, give yourself permission to experience your emotions. Hone in on your exact feeling and gauge what it is your body is telling you. Are your armpits sweating? Do you have butterflies? How are you breathing? Know that at that moment it is okay to feel exactly what you are feeling. If someone has angered you, acknowledge it. If someone made you smile –revel in it. Whatever the emotion is, give yourself permission to allow your body to feel whatever sensation that comes to you naturally. Acknowledge it to yourself first, and if it can be done constructively –express that feeling to the culprit of your anger. One thing I have learned from being a nanny for the last four years is that small children rarely know how to mask their emotions. One of my kids says, “I’m mad!” Probably because something in his small body is blaring off the pissed off sensors in his mind. Okay, kid why? As adults, it’s not as easy to convey emotions such as anger or sadness, especially if in a professional setting. However, there is an appropriate way to use emotion to communicate your feelings effectively. When you are aware of your emotions, you can discover your best method of expression.

We feel emotions for a reason, so how do we benefit from our sentiments to express ourselves effectively? It is important to identify where to direct our emotions once we know what it is we’re feeling, especially when our feelings are unpleasant. Ask yourself, what triggered a particular emotion? If you’re with someone, how can you communicate to the other person what you are feeling? Consider what you can do with what your body is telling you. There is generally an act that elicits a visceral response from our bodies. Once we have pinned the emotion and its cause, we can figure out what to do with it. Is it defeat? Dejection? Compassion? Gratitude? If you cannot name the emotion off hand, take a moment and do a little self-evaluation. Scan your body to see where you are feeling, and then go from there.

Although I know that tears are how I allow my body to release emotion, I will rarely cry in front of other people. If I can help it, which is usually, I’ll excuse myself from wherever I am and then let the tears flow. When I cry, the amount of time that is needed varies. If time permits, I cry it out until my head hurts and my face is swollen, in order to release whatever is emotionally plaguing me. Other times, I let a few tears fall, breathe it out and shelf my tear-session for a more appropriate space. There are times my cry-it-out moments happen while I’m communicating with a loved one, either in person or on the phone.  My tear-thick babble is incoherent as I attempt to convey the thoughts in my mind while combating the fight in my body. It is only after the waterworks subside that I can clearly gauge what is bothering me enough to express my feelings wholly. I am still learning to accept reassurance from people who care about me. I know that my loved ones are there to offer their emotional assistance, whether in form of an ear, a hug, coffee or a meal. But I do not “break down” and allow myself to be comforted in the moment often. Even though I know that crying is how I use emotion to express my feelings; accepting comfort before an issue becomes crisis-like in my mind is a practice I am still learning to incorporate.

I used to be ashamed to cry. I thought crying made me appear weak or immature. A lot of times people relate tears to fragility but I don’t see it that way. I read an article once that said that statistically, women live longer than men because they’re more prone to crying. I figured that I’d live forever, no further research necessary. The idea being that when we cry, our bodies are releasing energy in the form of snot and tears. The tension that has been built to elicit crying is being released, allowing our bodies to expel the emotions we’re feeling. Release is good. It’s your body telling you that you need to let go of something. When I cry, at the moment I feel hopeless. It only lasts for a few moments but I sit in those moments and let it ride. I get upset at myself for not having a better way to articulate my feelings. And although unpleasant, I allow myself to feel that very thing. And then when it’s over, my mind feels a little clearer and the present issue is less complicated.