Toxicity In Romantic Relationships: Three Red Flags

If toxic relationships are the only type of relationship you’ve had, you probably won’t be able to tell that the situation you’re in is an unhealthy one. Furthermore, when you love someone or feel attached to them, it’s extra difficult to spot the warning signs that he or she isn’t treating you how you deserve. Likewise, you may not be able to tell that you aren’t treating him or her well either! These are the pitfalls of being too close to a situation, and they can happen to anybody. So, take a step back for a moment and ask yourself if your relationship shows any of these tell-tale signs of being toxic:

• Red flag 1: Blaming someone for your own emotions
  If you or your partner are saying things like “You made me angry” or “you should have known I’d be upset if you went to that party”, this is a sign of selfishness and irresponsible maintenance of personal boundaries. When you and your partner rely on each other’s behavior in order to feel okay, you’re playing a risky game of codependence. As soon as the other fails to bolster your happiness, resentments start to grow. Moreover, it becomes an excuse to try and control one another’s lives and behavior. Instead, take responsibility for your own emotions. Be supportive of your partner, but don’t think it’s your job to maintain their happiness at all costs.
• Red flag 2: Mistaking Acts of Jealousy for Acts of Love
  Nobody wants to be cheated on, but when the expectation to not be cheated on turns into a monitoring of your partner’s behavior, the situation has become toxic. For example, if you or your partner get mad or feel threatened every time he or she strikes up a conversation with another person or smiles at somebody in a way that you thought was too flirtatious, you’re not being loving, you’re being controlling and paranoid. If you can’t trust your partner, to be honest, and faithful, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.
• Red flag 3: Score-keeping
  This is when one or both people in a relationship are keeping track of the other’s past mistakes and bring them up as a way to gain power, prove a point, or win an argument. What ends up happening is that when a conflict arises, partners can avoid facing it by bringing up past wrongdoings instead of ever facing the current issue. The relationship becomes a competition of righteousness and a constant attempt to deflect culpability onto the other person. No matter what you might think, this is not what mutual respect looks like.

When one or both partners are unfaithful or even violent, it is obvious that the relationship has become toxic. But sometimes toxicity disguises itself as affection or passion or even love and can slip beneath our radars. Keep an eye out for these signs that something has gone awry, and be brave enough to take necessary action. You’re strong, and you can have faith that you will ultimately make the decision that’s best for you.