Healthy Couples: How Do They Do It?

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you can probably feel deep down that something is very wrong. You might not know exactly what it is that’s polluting your relationship, and that’s okay! Moving forward, you can guide your relationship to health and happiness using these two simple habits as a roadmap.

• Habit 1: COMMUNICATE
  When you love someone, it’s really easy to communicate your positive emotions towards them. Couples in love have no problem showering each other with praise and compliments, but when it comes to talking about the more difficult topics, they tend to recoil, afraid they might break something. The difference between a couple in love and a healthy couple in love, is that the healthy couple will talk about the problems in the relationship instead of pretending they don’t exist. These conversations are HARD, and the healthy couples who have them are brave.
• Habit 2: TAKE SPACE
  There’s this strange, antiquated idea that if two people love each other they should want to spend all their time together. This is an insanely tall order to ask of a relationship. If you think about it, you don’t even want to be around yourself all the time, let alone another person. That doesn’t mean you’re not in love. In fact, a sign of a healthy relationship is the confidence in taking time apart. In order for a relationship to thrive, both people need to be independent, fully formed individuals. In other words, you must be able to break patterns of codependency. The following is a completely true story: Edna G is an eighty-five-year-old woman who lives in Toronto. After going through a divorce in her early thirties, she started dating a man from the neighborhood. Fifty-three years later, they’re still together, but here’s what makes them unique and adorable: they live in two separate apartment buildings approximately one block apart. Do they love each other? Yes. Do they value their independence? You bet. This is certainly an alternative set-up, but it makes them both very happy and it keeps their romance alive. Edna says that her favorite thing in the world is when he picks her up at her apartment to take her out on a date. She wouldn’t be able to enjoy this pleasure if she subscribed to the idea that all couples in love should be glued at the hip. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Quite frequently, relationships become toxic or fall apart completely because a couple is determined to avoid conflict or to prove to their peers that they are the dream couple who can’t keep their hands off each other. To avoid these pitfalls, understand that healthy conflict between partners is completely necessary in order for growth, and understand that despite what anybody else thinks, you need your personal space if you want to give your relationship a fighting chance.

Yes, this is easier said than done. But remember, practice makes perfect. Take it one step at a time and a healthy relationship can be yours.